Summit

Somebody had once told me that one should'nt climb a mountain and stand on the  summit.because once you reach the summit, you have to go down.

And no one likes to come down from the summit.

So the logical solution is to stay some distance away from the summit and view it from afar. Admire it from the distance.

Because that summit is just an illusion we cant seem to get our head around.

Ask anyone who has been on the metamorphical summit about how it actually feels. They wont say much, except for giving a smug or shy smile.. Most summit occupants have either of the following features: confidence,modesty or arrogance.
But
Is the summit as secure as we think it is?

People tend to forget that the summit is  just a tip , ensuring that there isnt enough space for too many people to get a secure footing on.

Which means....
One wrong shift in your footing, and down you go.

And i have seen what happens to people when they lose their footing.

I have seen Natasha slapping the boy who took her position in the summit.

I have heard my little sister Ana who came second in class howl in anguish all night.

I have seen Portia being triggered to slice her left wrist hours after the results came out.

I have seen Anil smuggling chits to the examination hall, so that he could get top marks in his exams and regain his footing on the summit.

And i have also seen him getting caught in the act.

Now as i sit and ponder over the summit and its meaning and its worth, i sneak a peak at my best friend who's on her third glass of Antiquity Blue, trying to forget her loss of the summit position.

I am a silent spectator. Nothing i say or do scratches the layer of indifference she has wrapped up herself in since we saw the semester examination scoresheet.

It was her reaction to the slip from the top position which lead me to write this down.

That lovely spot on the summit actually comes with a price. You lose yourself, you lose your defining characteristics, you lose your confidence,and sometimes,your sanity.

So what is the point in participating in the mad chase of  trying to get to the top , only to come hurtling down in disgrace?There are too few of us who can maintain their footing.

As i struggle to put a passed out,sweaty,unhappy girl into bed, i decide i'd rather be miles away from the summit,keeping my distance,no longer in awe of the illusive security of the peak spot.

Axis Tilts

The girls were sitting on the grass,laughing their hearts out.it was a sight to behold.the lone boy among the group of hysterical girls sat clueless,with a tiny smile playing on his lips.the tallest and the most imposing among the girls was actually rolling on the grass, face full of mirth. Two others were leaning on to each other,gasping for breath. another had hidden her face in the boy's jacket... 

 the boy viewed the spectacle unfolding around him. he saw pure joy in every face. he knew he would be teased if he started laughing too,(for he had no idea what had set off the girls in the first place..)but he could barely hold back his laughter. he didn't have much laughter in his life before.

before.

what was before this?

was there even a "before"?

because that "before" seemed millions of light years away now.

there is always a "before" and "after" in everyone's life.. a life changing event tilts the axis of one's life. just like Christ's birth forever divided the historical timeline into B.C and A.D, the birth of something new in the journey of life forever demarcates the timeline of life into a before and after.

The boy had a perfect "before" life. Perfect home, perfect schooling, loveliest parents in the world, plenty of cousins, dozens of playmates, perfect behavior, perfect grades. Life was beautiful. (Or not?)

Because,  if you asked him if he was happy, he’d probably take time to answer that.

Then the great depression came like a thunderbolt out of nowhere. But the boy was strong, he kept quiet. Surely people would think he was mad if he told them he was depressed, that too for no apparent reason. so he remained silent. no one noticed anything amiss.

Then came the beginning of "after".

For him, the axis tilting event was something as mundane as "attending a college". 

one may wonder, what was so special about college? Some people actually dread going to college!!
Not that he had an effortless start to his college life. It had bumps and hiccups too, just like the others. But the environment and the people-both were different. He would remember the first semester of his college life as the most magical couple of weeks. He found love, he became friends with his classmates, this time for real. He finally got the taste of strong companionship. After years, he knew, he was actually happy. His friends treated him with love and affection, something that he had no idea of back in the school days.

But the ugly monster had to raise its head right in the middle of his continuing state of happiness. Unknown fears gripped him, rendering him paralyzed and breathless with fear. He had no known words to describe what the depression monster was doing to him.

Again he remained silent.

But the monster wouldn't stay quiet; it started a full scale rebellion inside his head.

The boy could finally take no more. He succumbed.

Little did  the boy know what his friends and family would do for him.

yes he got help.

yes, his parents gave their all for his betterment.

yes his friends called him twice a day to chat him up and make him forget about his demons.

yes, his love became his true guardian angel.

most  important of all, they didn't give up on him.

the monster went crazy.

the monster got alarmed. it wouldn't go so fast. but what match was it against an army of love and compassion?

the monster bothered him less ever since. it didn't depart fully, but it was manageable for him.the boy saw better days after  that.

now as  he looked at the crazed out girls, he wondered how lucky he was to be a part of this  madness.

 to him, they were family too.

a crooked ,uncertain smile broke across his face.

"এই এই না বুঝে হাসছিস যে?"

"তোদের  দেখে  হাসি পেল তাই হাসছি ! " 

"কি যাতা !"

his love rested her head on his shoulder. his sister-the tall one- poked him good-naturally. all was well and fine.

he wouldn't give up this moments of random craziness for anything.

smugly,he made a mental note,

"take that, ugly monster!" 

MANGO SHOWERS

The kiss was chaste, short and sweet. But that was hardly the point.
The point was it was special. Under the open sky, under the heavy downpour.
It wasn't their first. But it was a first in its own way. It was their first under the relentless mango showers. It had left them breathless for minutes, not because of the intensity, but because of the euphoria.

It had rained early that year.
But that wasn't really the point.
They would always remember that monsoon for a different reason.

                                                                   ***************

The brunette in an olive green raincoat looked straight ahead, even though there was hardly anything to see. It was raining too hard to see. She was waiting under the bus stop shade, waiting for the rain too stop.
She hated it when the rains came early. They called this “Mango Showers” back in her native place.

The rains depressed her. Hadn't he broken up with her in the middle of a heavy downpour last monsoon? That had turned her childhood favorite season into something she no longer liked.
But there was something special about this early rain. Maybe it could wash all those pain away.
She felt she should at least give it a try.
So she stepped out, arms outstretched, like she did when she was a child.
It didn’t take long, and she felt way better. She felt clean. She felt happy.
It had rained early that year.
But that wasn’t really the point.
She would always remember that monsoon for a different reason.

                                                                   ****************

He wasn’t very fond of monsoon. Honestly, who loved to get wet AND muddy? And then catch a fever and sit at home for days? Not him.
He had never played soccer in the mud. He was teased for it by his teammates,, friends and his sister, but he really didn’t understand the point. He would never be caught playing with mud all over his body. He was the misfit in the team, he really didn’t belong there,but he was okay with that.
But that one time, Mother Nature decided to intervene.
The monsoon clouds weren’t supposed to arrive until 3 weeks later. But the clouds surprised everyone. Not only did the come from the blue, but they also emptied their burden of water, and left.
He was playing a home match in the school grounds when the clouds couldn’t take it anymore.
He was speechless. No one had seen that coming. Now he had no choice but to play in the downpour, under the rain. ‘cause that’s what they do here.
His teammates knew about his “muddy problem”.his captain approached him.
“Take it easy bro,concentrate on the ball,not the mud.”
He tried. He found it difficult at first.
And slowly he realised what he had been missing all this while.
Soccer became more enjoyable after that day. not because his school team won the match,but because he finally belonged.
And it was a wonderful feeling.
It had rained early that year.
But that wasn’t really the point.
He would always remember that monsoon for a different reason.

                                                                  ***************

Rain

Rain

its not fun,or romantic, for everyone.

getting muddy and wet, and developing a headache was never fun.

but she couldn't help but smile when their little princess danced in the first monsoon shower of that year.

after all,the little one was in love,she was bound to love rain,no matter how cliche it was. 

the princess brought out the little paper boats(which she  she had made the moment she heard the rumbling of clouds) and placed them gently on a large puddle. the look of pure joy on her face made the  brooding beholder wonder about the magic of small yet wonderful things.

Could she really hate the rains after this? probably not,because she didn't protest for the first time when minutes later she got dragged into the heavy downpour..

she  smiled.

"you feel it, the magic?",the little one quipped.

they both felt it. together.

and she will never feel the same about monsoon.

"I-I wanna feel the rain again

 I-I wanna feel the water on my skin

 And let it all just wash away 

 In a downpour

 I wanna feel the rain"

nobody's paradise

 it was too windy but she couldn't care about that now...she was still in a daze. she looked at the endless darkness that stretched for miles and miles.. the sound of splashing waves made her feel tiny in front of the vastness of the sea. she sat there wondering why she had laughed at the girl back in the camp when she had claimed to have seen a shooting star. 
"yeah rite,and i met Matt Lewis yesterday." had been her sarcastic response when she had heard Natasha discuss it with the girl.
20 hours later she saw a shooting star with her own two eyes.
and she was still dazed.
Natasha and Anita soon started complaining about the wind making their hair tangled. minutes later they got up and left.
"you coming Alice?"
"nope Nat. i'm good."
"dont stay here for too long,you might get a headache."
"you worry too much Nita!"
"oh OK,we're leaving,see ya later."
"hmm."

and she was left alone to ponder over everything that happened an hour ago.

"That was the best crime thriller ever!"
"uh,can we not discuss this now Sean?"
"why,you scared Al?" 
"are you blind? look at HER!"
Nat,Nita,Maddie,Harry,Sean,Aaron and the camp guide Bob finally realized what was wrong. sweet little Rhea looked as if she had seen Death itself.she had gone ghostly pale.

"scared are you,sweetie?"
Everyone was smirking.

"shut it Maddie!"
"aw Alice, Mother hen,come to rescue Rhea birdie!"
"ha-ha good one Sean!"

she didn't know they would behave like complete idiots.

then,she realized,Rhea had gone all rigid.
Harry noticed it too,and squeezed her hand to calm her.

Rhea snapped.

"fuck off!

that shut up everyone.
Rhea shoved Harry away,got up ,and left.Maddie tried to restrain her,but Anger made little Rhea very strong.

everyone rushed off after Rhea. they had never seen her this angry.
 she had realized halfway back to the camp that Harry wasn't there.

minutes later she found him beside the dead remains of the camp fire. the look in his eyes were dead too...
"you'd like some space,wont you Harry?? um,if u want, u can talk to me"
"not now sis"
"okay. but they'll come back when they realize you aren't there"
"right. but i don't want to go back there now Alice"
"she loves you, u know that right? it will be okay.
"hmm. idnt want to stay here."
"go somewhere else then."


She didnt want to think anymore.. but the scene kept recapitulating in her head. she wanted to scream,talk out loud to prevent those thoughts to consume her again.

she had failed them both. she,Alice the Mother hen of the group, hadn't been a good enough care taker.

she didnt want to think.the only thing she could do was sing out loud maybe...there was no fear of anyone hearing her sing,the crashing waves made sure of that.

"I cannot find

a way to describe it

 It's there inside, all I do is hide"

but she remembered still.. Harry had gone and stood  beside one of the overhanging cliffs.he said it helped him think.but it didn't stop Rhea from becoming hysterical when she realized he was nowhere to be found. 

 

"Alice thank god you are here! she's a mess!"

"huh?"

when she saw Rhea's condition,she realized what the definition of "hysterical " was.

Rhea was inconsolable. and it was her fault now.

they all calmed down after Aaron texted that he had found  Harry.

She had then shooed everyone out of the room, sent in Harry, and before shutting the door on their bewildered faces,said,"sort it out."

but she still felt guilty, couldnt face anyone. so she ran to the shore.

"I feel like I am all alone

 All by myself I need to get around this."

and then she was interrupted.

"you should probably sing more often Alice!"
"Hello Aaron!"
he sat beside her, and started off without preamble.
"you neednt have run out back then. no one is angry with you."

She was very startled. she hadn't known that he was this observant.
she really didn't know what to say.

"sing the rest, why don't you?."

"My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you

If I show you, I don't think you'd understand

 Cause no one understands"

"i disagree",he interrupted.

she kept quiet. she didn't want to elaborate on what exactly made her upset.
she fiddled with the hem of her tee.

"Alice?"
"yep?"

"i got my camera. wanna go photohunting?"

she knew he was trying to cheeer her up,even when he didnt even know what was wrong. heck,he didn't even ask. but thats how he was. he knew she couldnt say no to taking pictures..
so, after hours, she smiled.
"allright. but where to? its so dark!"
"the cliff.where we found Harry. its got a lovely view of the city lights and the lighthouse and the sea!"
"really? then lets go!"

and off they went.


She forgot all her worries the moment she saw the crashing waves down below after she got to the cliff top.
"its amazing here Aaron! thank YOU!
"dont mention it!"

some things dont need to be mentioned.She was already feeling better after taking a few pictures.
tommorow would be better  than today. maybe someone else will pick her up when she goes down. but she wont be alone.

And then they both saw the shooting star.

She would never laugh at anyone for seeing a shooting star.. you needed things like that in life once in a while.

"this is great!",he said
"i feel infinite!",she quoted from her favorite book.

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

Cold

it wasnt even winter.. but she was already a goner. the cold had started creeping on her.. and,she didnt like it..
the others laugh at her. "see that girl over there? whoever wears a shawl in November?"
she didnt care. if she did,she would feel worse.

and then her knight in shining armor suddenly appeared out of nowhere,and took a seat beside her.she felt a little warm at that little action. he smiled,saw her shivering form,and took both her hands in his.
she was sure the cold just disappeared from her ice cold hands.

"better?"
"mmm...thank you.."

she leaned on his shoulder,as they watched the sun go down. but she didnt worry. her personal sun was by her side.. she won't be cold anymore.

Little one

she was sitting in the corner..shaking slightly.from where i stood, i cudnt tell if she was shivering or...wait! she's crying? i didnt bother to call her or ask anything. i just dropped my book bag on the stairs and ran towards the balcony. she heard me, and looked up.
that look broke my heart.
i dont know what,why or who made her cry-i wanted to know, but her eyes were pleading,almost as if telling me silently not to ask the "whats" and "whys". so i didnt. i did the only thing to calm her sobs. i hugged her tightly.. and that did it.
she completely broke down.
she clung to me like a lifeline,screamed god knows at whom(or what),and i let her do what she wanted to.she needed the outlet.
she hugged me back,not wanting to let go,and i knew she was feeling insecure. again.
we stayed like that for minutes,or maybe hours. the explanations could wait. my little sister just needed support now,not a listener. i would wait.
she needed a friend. and i was rite there. her sometimes annoying,sometimes bossy "akka". all will be well soon.
"you will be okay little one. i am here."
she looked up,and finally smiled..
the clouds were gone, and the sun was coming out again. it always does.